17 March 2009


St Patrick's day fun

I like this, especially as I fly Aer Lingus twice a week to/from Dublin!

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Seamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

"B’jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".
"You’re not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Seamus.
"Dis is gonna be one a’ de trickiest landings you’re ever gonna see" said Paddy.
"You’re not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Seamus.
"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I’ll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.
"Right, I’ll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.
"Right, I’ll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a’ your soul" said Paddy.
"I be doing dat already" replied Seamus.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Seamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Seamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.

Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Seamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Seamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life". Seamus looked out the side window and replied…."Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is".

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26 February 2009


Banking observation

spot the odd one out:

Lord Stevenson, former chairman, HBOS Bank
Andy Hornby, former CEO, HBOS Bank
Sir Fred Goodwin, former CEO, RBS Bank
Sir Tom McKillup, former chairman, RBS Bank
John McFall MP, chairman, Treasury Select Committee
Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequer
Sir Terry Wogan, presenter of the BBC Radio 2 Breakfast Show

It's Terry Wogan, the only one with a banking qualification.

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05 October 2008


Multimap goes down the toilet (literally)

I have already blogged about the failings of multimap. I first wrote to them in March 2001 that EH49 7PL is in fact called Avalon Gardens and always has been since the road was first built in 1999. Anyone, including multimap, can check this via the postcode database. Avalon Gardens is a cul-de-sac and only connects to Mill Road, is not a through road to the Falkirk road and indeed since there has been a school at the end of Avalon Gardens since 2002 on East Mill Road (no connection to Avalon Gardens) then the road name for the school is also wrong. Nearly 10 years later, the information is still completely wrong. Despite them writing to me in April 2007 with this information:

Your comments are much appreciated as having accurate data on the site is very important to us. Having investigated the issue you reported, we have identified a potential data anomaly. Our data comes from various suppliers and we have forwarded your query to the relevant supplier in order for them to investigate and make any necessary amendments at source. We receive regular data updates and although we are unable to give you a timescale of when this improvement will take place, you can rest assured that any corrections will filter through to the Multimap website in due course.

OK, here's another rather more humourous "anomaly". I entered a postcode to get a map. The correct map came up (surprise!). I then clicked on directions thinking it would use my map position as the starting point. I then entered my destination postcode. However, the initial postcode location wasn't populated from the map search, instead it was blanked off and the "default" postcode used instead. Not content with using the point in London where all distances are measured from, namely the equestrian statue of Charles I at the south end of Trafalgar Square (the original site of Charing Cross), multimap has its own central point of reference.

The actual centre of Multimap's universe is show on the following image (click to enlarge), taken from a screen capture and easily replicated via the above steps.

So now we know from the enlarged image. Not only is the centre of the multimap universe a gentlemen's private part just off King Willy (sorry William) Street, but on a journey to what should be the centre of UK mapping it sends us past Nelson's column and Cockspur Street (that's enough genital references) in a convoluted path apparently going the wrong way down a one way street between stages 3 and 4. All in all, rather a cock up.

I think that the orange advert says it all: "When turning back is out of the question you have to put your trust in what you know". Which is this case is knowing that multimap once again is not the dogs bollocks, rather it belongs in King William's toilet.


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25 May 2008


DVD forced advertising hell

This picture sums up my attitude towards forced advertising and anti-skip menus on legitimate DVDS

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13 May 2008


OGC Logo embarrassment

Certainly made me laugh.


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